So after Xavier’s dad left and his family has openly accepted that he’s fucking the second cousin, I have decided to take things legally. Of course I will not allow Xavier to grow up in a screwed up environment thinking that it’s okay to fuck your second cousin (and yes I have proof that they actually did it in 12/27).
Every father who abandoned his child has a LEGAL and MORAL obligation to support his child even if there is no court order to do so. It’s not so hard to understand right? And I suppose everyone is aware of that. But being aware and actually doing something about are two different things.
I am blogging this coz I know a lot of single moms like me, left to deal with all the financial issues while the father of our kids go around painting the town red. And when our kids are old enough, they have the nerve to get close to them and without an ounce of embarrassment to proudly call them son/daughter. If you’re like me, I’m pretty sure you can relate.
So what to do exactly?
1. Talk to a social worker. I have a great support group – people from work, family and friends who I can cry to when I feel really emotionally down. But, talking to a social worker will help you when it comes to what you’re options are and what you can actually do. It was a good thing that a good friend had a cousin who’s a social worker and she referred me to her. She was like an older sister figure to me, she listened while I cried at the coffee shop while telling her all about my story. Knowing her is a blessing in the midst of all this.
2. Talk to the father of your child about the issue on financial support. This might be a bit hard depending on how you guys ended. For me it was easy, since he already promised to send financial support at the end of the month. So everything that is related to the Xavier’s basic needs have to be divided equally since we’re both working. And when I say everything, this includes the yaya’s sahod, the electric and water bill (a portion of it since they use it), food (including the yaya), house rent (since the mother has full custody of the baby), vitamins, toys, clothes and basically everything for Xavier. And you have to let him know that he has to give this much.
3. Keep all the receipts. I really mean all! You’re going to need it if you go to court.
If he sends enough financial support then that’s good. BUT if he does not, then let’s go to:
4. Talk to him again and remind him that he has to send this much. I am still waiting if he does send enough or not. On our part, since he just started his contract (he’s a freaking seamanloloko), I was legally advised to give him enough time for him to probably buy his basic needs as well. And since he promised to send financial support at the end of the month, but then knowing him after all those years, I know his words are mere words which is why I am confident that we’re moving to the next step.
5. Get a legal counsel and sue him. So on RA 9262 – Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004, it has four acts that constitute it; a) physical violence; b) sexual violence; c) psychological violence and; d) economic violence. On my case, I can sue him for c and d. “Psychological violence” refers to acts or omissions causing or likely to cause mental or emotional suffering of the victim such as but not limited to intimidation, harassment, stalking, damage to property, public ridicule or humiliation, repeated verbal abuse and mental infidelity. It includes causing or allowing the victim to witness the physical, sexual or psychological abuse of a member of the family to which the victim belongs, or to witness pornography in any form or to witness abusive injury to pets or to unlawful or unwanted deprivation of the right to custody and/or visitation of common children. “Economic abuse” refers to acts that make or attempt to make a woman financially dependent which includes withdrawal of financial support or preventing the victim from engaging in any legitimate profession, occupation, business or activity, except in cases wherein the other spouse/partner objects on valid, serious and moral grounds as defined in Article 73 of the Family Code.
6. Let your legal counsel do what he/she does best. Your legal counsel will first send a letter to the employer of your kid’s dad. On my case, it will be sent to the agency. And then we’re bringing it to court. And if you’re at this part, then you should bring out all the receipts you were supposed to keep.
So so much for all that. You can check out the following links for more information:
Ten (10) Important Things You Should Remember About RA 9262
Support for abandoned woman and her children
R.A. 9262 Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act of 2004